Funny sbear - Sarcastic comic
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Source from here.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
- If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
- I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
- Sarcasm helps keep you from telling people what you really think of them.
- I’m smiling. This should scare you.
- The universe is laughing behind your back.
- Nothing is more discouraging than unappreciated sarcasm.
- If you’re one in a million, there are six thousand people exactly like you.
- Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
- I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
- Blows are sarcasms turned stupid.
- A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
- I’m not sure what’s wrong… But it’s probably your fault.
- This place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door.
- The world will end tomorrow (unless postponed by rain).
- I never admit or deny anything it makes me more interesting.
- By the time you read this you’ve already read it.
- Whatever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much. You’re not that good.
More Sarcastic funny stuff here.
Source from here.
GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!
BOY: You love me…
GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?
BOY: Sure, what’s your phone number?
GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.
BOY: Don’t you ever want to improve?
BOY: May I hold your hand?
GIRL: No thanks, it isn’t heavy.
WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.
HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.
MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do you think, Peter?
PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.
Girlfriend : “….And are you sure you love me and no one else?”
Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.
Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”
Pupil : “The moon”.
Teacher : “Why?”
Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.
Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”
Pupil : “A teacher”.
MAN: You remind me of the sea.
WOMAN: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?
MAN: NO, because you make me sick.
Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot!”
Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.
Teacher : “What do you mean?”
Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.”
Teacher : “What about your mother?”
Sam : “She’s a woman”..
Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”
David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.
Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”
Student : “Brotherly love”.
Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”
Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.
Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”
Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.
Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”
Customer : “What other colours do you have ?”
Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.
Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”
One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”
Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”
One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”
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