Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
妻：你在作什麼啊？
Husband : Nothing.
夫：沒作什麼。
Wife : ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’ 妻：沒作什麼？你看著我們的結婚證書，足足有一小時了。
Husband : ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’夫：我在尋找它的有效日期是到什麼時候。
—————————————————————————————–
Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’妻： 要吃晚餐嗎？
Husband : ‘Sure! What are my choices?’夫： 當然！我可以選擇嗎？
Wife : ‘Yes or no.’ 妻：要或不要。
—————————————————————————————–
Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?’ 妻：為什麼你經常把我的照片放在你皮夾裡？
Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’ 夫：當問題發生時，不管有多困難，我看著妳照片就迎刃而解了。
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!’ 妻：你看我對你有多麼驚人的影響力啊！
Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’ 夫：是啊！望著妳的照片我問自己，還有什麼困難比這個來得大呢？
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Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’ 女孩：婚後我要分擔你所有的煩惱、困擾，以減輕你的負擔。
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’ 男孩：親愛的，妳真體貼，但我並沒有任何煩惱或困擾。
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’ 女孩：哦？那是因為我們還沒結婚的緣故。
—————————————————————————————–
Son: ‘ Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’ 子：今早我和爹地一起搭車，他要我讓座給一位女士。
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’ 母：嗯，你這麼做是對的。
Son: ‘But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’ 子：但是，媽，我當時是坐在爹地的腿上呢。
_____________________________________________________________
A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’ 一位新婚的先生問他太太：如果我父親沒留下巨額財產給我，你會嫁給我嗎？
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’ 女人溫柔的答道：親愛的，不管是誰留下財產給你，我都會嫁給你的。
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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever . 女孩對著男友說：吻我一下，我就永遠屬於你了。
The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’男孩回道：謝謝您提早警告我。
—————————————————————————————–
A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’ 妻問夫：你最喜歡我哪一點？我美麗的臉龐，還是我性感的軀體？
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor.’
他把她從頭到腳瀏覽了一遍，回道：我喜歡你的幽默感。
more Funny Stories
話說民國初年，上海百樂門舞廳老闆美麗的女兒被名流紳士們瘋狂追求。
當二人難分難捨時，她父親卻將她許配給一位駐美大使，她只好傷心的隨夫赴美。
離開前，樂手交給她一塊錢大洋，希望有生之年再相遇時，作為二人的信物。
三十年後，她搭機回國，出機場時，看到一個熟悉的身影，當年的情人在拉三輪車。
坐上車，她眼光泛淚，默默掉淚。就這樣，三輪車直奔百樂門舞廳，一路上兩人沒交談。
到舞廳門口時，她問多少錢？車夫回答：五毛。
她打開珍藏的一塊大洋：這給你。車夫頓了一下，收錢回家。
車夫回到家，看著一塊錢，百感交集，發憤振筆，寫下這世界名曲……..
三輪車跑得快，上面坐個老太太，要五毛給一塊，你說奇怪不奇怪？
more Funny Stories
1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until
this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still
getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
3)Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
4).Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
5). Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen,
can you see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”
Tech support : ##### ***
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____# ###
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
7). Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”
Customer : “Pentium.”
Tech support : ////—–+++
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
8). Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
9).Cus tomer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”
Tech Support : ?!%#$
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
10). Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”
Tech support : ??????
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
11). Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”
Tech Support : “What does it say?”
Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”
Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”
Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”
Tech support : @@@@@
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
12). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open
24 hours.”
Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
13). Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”
Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”
Tech Support : “Well?”
Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”
Tech support : *** —- ++++
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— –
The best of the lot
14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that
his computer is faulty.
Tech: What’s the problem?
User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.
Tech: (keep quite)
Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.
User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.
Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.
User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup
and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.
Tech support::
10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech
is frustrated and fed up.
Tech support:: (hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there
is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.
User: I knew it!
Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at
the end of the CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.
10 minutes later.
User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.
Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?
User : MS-DOS 6.22 .
Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t come with
NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you
the file. Let me know how it goes.
1 hour later.
User : I need a new power supply.
Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?
Tech support : (hush hush)
User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said, and he
started asking questions about the make of power supply.
Tech: Then what did he say?
User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— -
Hight Of all (Too Good)
15) customer care officer: I need a product identification number
right now and may I help u in
finding it out?
Cust: sure
CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My computer‘?
Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?
more Computer Jokes
