A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized, “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral Of The Story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.
A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish.” “Me first! Me first!”, says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.”
Puff! She’s gone.
”Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.”
Puff! He’s gone.
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”
Moral Of The Story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.” After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?” “It was Bob the next door neighbor,” she replies. “Great!” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.
Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the
small accident I had with the pickup truck when I turned into the driveway.
Fortunately not too bad, and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too
much about me.
I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I
accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake.
The garage door is slightly bent, but the pickup fortunately came to a halt when
it bumped into your new Ferrari.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality you will
forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you, my sweetheart.
I am enclosing a picture for you.
I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.
Your loving wife.
XXX
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Oscar Wilde
I am so clever that sometimes I don’t understand a single word of what I am saying.
Jay Leno
[putting arms around Nigella Lawson] My wife is going to kill me. But you look like my wife, so that’s Ok!
Mel Brooks
I have always been a huge admirer of my own work. I’m one of the funniest and most entertaining writers I know.
Friedrich Nietzsche
A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.
Bill Cosby
A word to the wise ain’t necessary — it’s the stupid ones that need the advice.
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