Guess how old are they?
They are young..
..and Dangerous!
Still going strong..
still..
and still going Strong..
Time for rest… No?
..Unstoppable!!
They are just as good as adults.. don’t they?
..speechless..
Last piece of the goodies!
When you take a long time, you’re slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he’s thorough.
When you don’t do it, you’re lazy.
When your boss doesn’t do it, he’s too busy.
When you make a mistake, you’re an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he’s only human.
When doing something without being told, you’re overstepping your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that’s initiative.
When you take a stand, you’re being bull-headed.
When your boss does it, he’s being firm.
When you overlooked a rule of etiquette, you’re being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he’s being original.
When you’re out of the office, you’re wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he’s on business.
When you’re on a day off sick, you’re always sick.
When your boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it’s because he’s overworked.
我就要和相處一年的女友結婚了，毫無疑問，我很Happy。
現在唯一困撓我的是，我未來的小姨子，一個20歲的蜜桃少女。她喜歡穿緊身的低胸T_Shirt以及迷你短裙。她經常在我的跟前有意無意的彎下腰，更要命的是在別的男人面前她從不這麼做。要說她沒有誘惑到我，那是我在撒謊。
直到那一天，我未來的小姨子Call我，讓我去看看請柬的準備情況。當我到時，她家只有她一個人，迎接我的是她無盡幽怨的眼神：我愛的人結婚了，新娘不是我，我現在唯一想做的即使在你結婚之前，把我獻給你。她在樓梯上對我說：我在臥室裏等你，如果你決定了，就上樓來找我。當她走到樓梯的盡頭，和她睡衣一起滑落灑向我的是她眼中的期待。
我呆立了一分鐘，然後做了我當時唯一能做的事：拉開大門，走向我的汽車。
門外，我未來的岳父大人濁淚橫流：好孩子，我們家的測試你已經通了，歡迎你加入到我們的大家庭中……
這個故事告訴我們的是：
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Read the rest of this entry »
John Brandon, the head of the company asked his manager to write a detailed employment review describing Bob Goldie, one of his programmers.
1. Bob Goldie, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Bob works independently, without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Bob never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often Bob takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Bob is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Bob can be
10. classed as a high-caliber employee, the type which cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Bob be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.
Signed …
Brandon
A memo was soon sent following the initial letter.
John,
That idiot was reading over my shoulder while I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd numbered lines above (1, 3, 5, etc…) for my true assessment of him.
Regards …
Brandon”
- office jokes at www.FunnySbear.com -
Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked a young Engineer fresh out of MIT, “And what starting salary were you looking for?”
The Engineer said, “In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package.”
The interviewer said, “Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, a company matching retirement fund for 50% of your salary, and a company car leased every 2 years — say, a red Corvette?”
The Engineer sat up straight and said, “Wow! Are you kidding?”
And the interviewer replied, “Yeah, but you started it.”
- office jokes at www.FunnySbear.com -
(18+)
一个一对情侣在定婚前夕，女生坦白对男生说：＂我的胸部很小，如果你介意的话你可以不要和我结婚＂
＂我不会介意你的胸部大小，况且性不是我们要结婚的因素！＂ 男生答道：＂其实我也想对你坦白一件事，其实我腰部以下那个部位好像婴儿那样，你会介意吗？＂
＂我也不会介意你的腰部以下那个部位好像婴儿那样，我也觉得性不是我们要结婚的因素！＂
于是他们结婚了，在洞房那晚，妻子脱了衣服，果然，她胸部真的非常小。
接着丈夫也脱了衣裤，他妻子看了他那话儿一眼，晕了过去。
过了一会而，她苏醒了， 丈夫就很奇怪的问：＂我不是和你坦白过吗？ 为什么你还这样惊讶？＂
＂你不是说你的腰部以下那个部位好像婴儿那样吗？！！＂
＂对啊！可不是吗？ 重８磅， 身长２１寸！＂
滾友與的士司機 (18+)
好耐之前聽朋友講的咸濕笑話, 試下自己打番出黎:
有一個大滾友到異地旅遊
人生路不熟, 便隨手截了一輛的士
一上車便與的士司機聊起來
滾友: “喂老兄, 我是第一次來這個城市遊玩, 完全不懂門路, 想找些美女快活一下,有好門路介紹嗎?”
的士司機: “恩……我們這個城市民風樸素, 多數人都是教徒, 你想找的事情恐怕我幫不上忙…”
正當滾友心裡不是味兒之際, 的士司機突然靈光一閃道:
“跟你說一個秘密, 不要向別人透露……其實市中心有一座教堂, 每晚十二時正, 有一個很忠誠的修女會準時在那裡祈禱,
因為那兒比較昏暗, 只要你裝扮成耶穌的模樣, 當佢正祈禱時突然出現, 並聲稱自己是主耶穌, 命令她奉獻出她的貞操, 到時你便可……”
滾友一聽之下大為高興, 謝過的士司機後便回酒店準備裝扮成耶穌的模樣, 並等待午夜的來臨,
十二時正, 滾友扮成耶穌準時到了昏暗的教堂, 果然有一個修女跪在地上正祈禱, 滾友連忙上前說:
“修女! 我是主耶穌基督, 妳可以証明妳對我的忠誠嗎?”
修女一看之下信以為真: ” 當然可以啊, 為了主我什麼都可以幹!”
滾友: “那麼妳把貞操獻給我吧!”
修女: “……我不能破壞規條…跟你幹那個是可以,
但我始終是修女, 我不可以一絲不掛, 我只可以穿著衣服給你幹我的後欄…”
滾友暗喜: ” 看在妳每晚都來祈禱, 那我免為其難接受吧…”
然後滾友真的幹了修女的後欄
完事之後, 滾友得意洋洋的, 忽然脫下耶穌的裝扮, 並對修女說:
“呵呵, 妳中計了, 其實我不是耶穌, 抱歉玩弄了妳的後欄…哈哈”
修女忽然脫下修女袍說:
“呵呵呵呵, 你中計了, 其實我是的士司機!!!!!
兩個瓦斯公司的維修工人，剛到一戶人家作安檢。
檢查完最後一家後，兩人突然提議看誰先跑回車上， 跑輸的人晚上要請一打啤酒，接著兩人便拔腿狂奔， 跑啊跑的……
突然覺得後面有人猛喘著氣跟著跑。
回頭一看，原來是最後一家的女主人跟在後面跑。
他們停下來問這位女士是不是有問題。
這位女士回答： 「當我看到你們檢查完我的瓦斯系統後馬上拔腿就跑， 我覺得我也應該跟著跑……」
有个老外尿急要进公共厕所，顾门口的阿婆用福建话说“四角”，他听到see-cock，以为进厕所要先验货，只好拿出他的宝贝。阿婆看了一惊，慌忙说“duit”，他又听错，以为阿婆叫他do-it，没办法就当场跟阿婆“做”了起来。阿婆大叫“tolong”，他听到too-long,怕阿婆顶不顺，连忙拔了出来。阿婆喘气说“sakit”，老外叹了口气，把他的宝贝硬硬塞进了阿婆的口中，原来他以为阿婆说“suck-it”
