Get a Laugh at Funny Sbear

Wife: ‘What are you doing?’
妻：你在作什麼啊？
Husband : Nothing.
夫：沒作什麼。
Wife : ‘Nothing…? You’ve been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.’
妻：沒作什麼？你看著我們的結婚證書，足足有一小時了。
Husband : ‘I was looking for the expiry date.’
夫：我在尋找它的有效日期是到什麼時候。
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Wife : ‘Do you want dinner?’
妻： 要吃晚餐嗎？
Husband : ‘Sure! What are my choices?’
夫： 當然！我可以選擇嗎？
Wife : ‘Yes or no.’
妻：要或不要。
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Wife: ‘You always carry my photo in your wallet. Why?’
妻：為什麼你經常把我的照片放在你皮夾裡？
Hubby: ‘When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.’
夫：當問題發生時，不管有多困難，我看著妳照片就迎刃而解了。
Wife: ‘You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you!’
妻：你看我對你有多麼驚人的影響力啊！
Hubby: ‘Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?’
夫：是啊！望著妳的照片我問自己，還有什麼困難比這個來得大呢？
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Stress Reliever Girl: ‘When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.’
女孩：婚後我要分擔你所有的煩惱、困擾，以減輕你的負擔。
Boy: ‘It’s very kind of you, darling, but I don’t have any worries or troubles.’
男孩：親愛的，妳真體貼，但我並沒有任何煩惱或困擾。
Girl: ‘Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.’
女孩：哦？那是因為我們還沒結婚的緣故。
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Son: ‘ Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.’
子：今早我和爹地一起搭車，他要我讓座給一位女士。
Mom: ‘Well, you have done the right thing.’
母：嗯，你這麼做是對的。
Son: ‘But mom, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.’
子：但是，媽，我當時是坐在爹地的腿上呢。
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A newly married man asked his wife, ‘Would you have married me if my father hadn’t left me a fortune?’
一位新婚的先生問他太太：如果我父親沒留下巨額財產給我，你會嫁給我嗎？
‘Honey,’ the woman replied sweetly, ‘I’d have married you, N O MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE!’
女人溫柔的答道：親愛的，不管是誰留下財產給你，我都會嫁給你的。

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Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever .
女孩對著男友說：吻我一下，我就永遠屬於你了。
The guy replies: ‘Thanks for the early warning.’
男孩回道：謝謝您提早警告我。
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A wife asked her husband: ‘What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?’
妻問夫：你最喜歡我哪一點？我美麗的臉龐，還是我性感的軀體？
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: ‘I like your sense of humor.’
他把她從頭到腳瀏覽了一遍，回道：我喜歡你的幽默感。

當二人難分難捨時，她父親卻將她許配給一位駐美大使，她只好傷心的隨夫赴美。

離開前，樂手交給她一塊錢大洋，希望有生之年再相遇時，作為二人的信物。

三十年後，她搭機回國，出機場時，看到一個熟悉的身影，當年的情人在拉三輪車。

坐上車，她眼光泛淚，默默掉淚。就這樣，三輪車直奔百樂門舞廳，一路上兩人沒交談。

到舞廳門口時，她問多少錢？車夫回答：五毛。

她打開珍藏的一塊大洋：這給你。車夫頓了一下，收錢回家。

車夫回到家，看著一塊錢，百感交集，發憤振筆，寫下這世界名曲……..




















三輪車跑得快，上面坐個老太太，要五毛給一塊，你說奇怪不奇怪？

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men.
He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony.

The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. ‘Please allow me to help. I’m a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow me, she told him.

‘Oh, no, I’ll be all right. I’ll be fine in a few minutes,’ the man replied. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands there at his groin.

At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside.
She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, ‘How does that feel’?

He replied: It feels great, but I still think my thumb’s broken!

Husband – hello dear, I am logged in.

Wife – have you bought the things I asked you to buy.

Husband – Bad command or file name.

Wife – but I told you about it in morning

Husband – erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.

Wife – My God! Almost forget it, where’s your salary.

Husband – file in use, read only, try after some time.

Wife – at least give me your credit card, I can do some shopping.

Husband – sharing violation, access denied.

Wife – I made a mistake in marrying you.

Husband – data type mismatch.

Wife – you are useless.

Husband – by default.

Wife – who was that with you in the car this morning?

Husband – system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.

Wife – what is the relation between you and your receptionist?

Husband – the only user with write permission.

Wife – what is my value in your life?

Husband – unknown virus detected.

Wife – do you love me or your computer?

Husband – Too many parameters..

Wife – I will go to my dad’s house.

Husband – program performed illegal operation, it will close.

Wife – I will leave you forever.

Husband – close all programs and log out for another user.

Wife – it is worthless talking to you.

Husband – shut down the computer.

Wife – I am going

Husband – It’s now safe to turn off your computer

GIRL: Say you love me! Say you love me!

BOY: You love me…

GIRL: If we become engaged will you give me a ring?

BOY: Sure, what’s your phone number?

GIRL: Darling, I want to dance like this forever.

BOY: Don’t you ever want to improve?

BOY: May I hold your hand?

GIRL: No thanks, it isn’t heavy.

WIFE : You tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

HUSBAND : You tell a woman something: It goes in both ears and comes out of the mouth.

MARY : John says I’m pretty. Andy says I’m ugly.What do you think, Peter?

PETER : A bit of both. I think you’re pretty ugly.

Girlfriend : “….And are you sure you love me and no one else?”

Boyfriend : “Dead Sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday”.

Teacher : “Which is more important to us, the sun or the moon?”

Pupil : “The moon”.

Teacher : “Why?”

Pupil : “The moon gives us light at night when we need it but the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don’t need it”.

Teacher : “What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?”

Pupil : “A teacher”.

MAN: You remind me of the sea.

WOMAN: Because I’m wild, romantic and exciting?

MAN: NO, because you make me sick.

Teacher : “Sam, you talk a lot!”

Sam : “It’s a family tradition”.

Teacher : “What do you mean?”

Sam : “Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher.”

Teacher : “What about your mother?”

Sam : “She’s a woman”..

Tom : “How should I convey the news to my father that I’ve failed?”

David: “You just send a telegram: Result declared, past year’s performance repeated”.

Teacher : “Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?”

Student : “Brotherly love”.

Teacher : “Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?”

Sam : “No sir, I don’t have to, my mom is a good cook”.

Patient : “What are the chances of my recovering doctor?”

Doctor : “One hundred percent. Medical records show that nine out of ten people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I’ve treated. The others all died”.

Waiter : “Would you like your coffee black?”

Customer : “What other colours do you have ?”

Teacher : ” George Washington not only chopped down his father’s Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it.

Now do you know why his father didn’t punish him ?”

One Student: ” Because George still had the axe in is hand.”

Teacher : ” Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?”

One Student : “Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day and at the same time.”

An office manager at Wal-Mart was given the task of hiring an individual to fill a job opening. After sorting through a stack of resumes he found four people who were equally qualified; an American, a Russian, an Australian and an Indian.

He decided to call the four in and ask them only one question.
Their answer would determine which of them would get the job.

The day came and as the four sat around the conference room table the interviewer asked, ‘What is the fastest thing you know?’

Dave, the American, replied, ‘A THOUGHT. It just pops into your head.
There’s no warning that it’s on the way; it’s just there. A thought
is the fastest thing I know of.’

‘That’s very good!’ replied the interviewer.

‘And now you sir?’ he asked Vladimir , the Russian. ‘Hmm….
let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don’t know that it ever happened. A
BLINK is the fastest thing I know.’ ‘Excellent!’ said the interviewer.. ‘The blink of an eye, that’s a very popular clich for speed.’

He then turned to George, the Australian who was contemplating his
reply.  Well, out at my dad’s ranch, you step out of the house and on the wall there’s a light switch. When you flip that switch, way out across the pasture the light in the barn comes on. Yep, TURNING ON A LIGHT is the fastest thing I can think of.’

The interviewer was very impressed with the third answer and thought he had found his man. ‘It’s hard to beat the speed of light’ he said.

Turning to Patel, the Indian, the fourth and final man, the interviewer posed the same question. Patel replied, ‘Apter herring da preybyus ansers sir, et’s obyus to me dat the fastest thing is
Diarrhea!’

‘WHAT!?’ said the interviewer, stunned by the response.

‘You see, sir, da ader day my tummy was peeling bad and so I run so fast to the batrum, but before I could THINK, BLINK, or TURN ON THE LIGHT, I had alreydi done it in my pants!

Crocodile, the famous ultimate predators in ecosystem. However, it may also become a victim in “gang bang”.

The picture below is from “Nature” magazine.

Please note that a dog biting the crocodile’s throat clenching it from breathing, the remaining dogs were try to prevent the crocodile flip.

Don’t be shock~~!!!

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1. There are 3 Male and 1 Female pencils in a box.
The Female pencil got pregnant !!
Which Male pencil is responsible?

THE ONE WITHOUT THE RUBBER.

2. Woman in bed with husband’s best friend,
phone rings! “YES”.. OK, BYE”.
She turns to her lover and says,
THAT’S MY HUBBY, SAYS HE’S NOW GOLFING WITH YOU.

3. Three Roosters: normal, retarded and a gay.
Normal : cock-a-doodle-dooo !!!
Retarded : doodle-cock-a-dooo !!!
Gay : any-cock-will dooo !!!

4. Three Guys were introduced to a girl.
Hi,…. I’m Peter, not a saint.
I’m Paul not a POPE.
I’m John not a Baptist…
The girl replied.. Hi.. I’m Mary, not a VIRGIN.

5. Girlfriends are appetizers. Tastes good at any time.
Mistresses are Tomyams..Hot and spicy. Eaten frequently.
WIVES are Maggie. Eaten when there’s nothing to eat.!!!

6. Income Tax office asked a Prostitute why she puts
her occupation as CHICKEN FARMER.
She replied: I RAISED 5,000 COCKS LAST YEAR.!!

7. Yesterday’s News :- A nun jogging at Jogger’ Park
was raped by 4 guys.
Today’s News :- Nearly 100 nuns found jogging at the park.

8. Why do Indians talk non stop?
Guess…. Still dunno? OK lah…..
Answer : Becoz they left their full stop on their
forehead.